gift of life

My son, Maki has been a gift to me in many ways. Aside from the obvious, one of the many gifts Maki has given me is, life itself.
I used to smoke cigarettes before I was pregnant. I was never a heavy smoker, and for that reason I used to tell myself that I wasn't addicted and that I could quit whenever I wanted. Well, funny thing is, I had wanted to quit for YEARS!!! But truth is, I was addicted and in denial. It wasn't until I was pregnant that I was able to accept that I was addicted and really needed to quit. I didn't need to quit for me- I'd had my chance at that, and clearly I wasn't enough motivation for myself. But I needed to quit for my baby. I knew this from the day I found out I was pregnant.
I would love to tell the awesome tale of how I found out I was pregnant and never touched another cigarette... but I'd be lying. What I did do was set a deadline. I gave myself two weeks to quit. Then extended those two weeks another two weeks. Then extended those two weeks a day at a time until finally, I had enough. I knew I was doing it again: lying to myself. I had been decreasing the number of cigarettes and eventually puffs per day I was having, and therefore allowing myself to smoke past my deadlines. I was so disgusted with myself. Me, who wouldn't even smoke around children, smoking with a child in my belly. It didn't make sense.
So one day when I got the urge to smoke, instead of heading out to have a puff I told myself, "I'm stronger than tobacco. This is the first thing I'm doing for my baby." And here I am, a little over a year later without even the slightest urge for a smoke, fresher breath and softer lips. I have Maki to thank for that. He was my motivation when I couldn't be. Quitting smoking adds years to one's life; he did that for me.